Skip to main content

Are You Looking For Mr Right or Mr Right Now?





I’ve been meaning to write about this topic for a while and decided that it was now or never. Is it me or do you notice that people are settling more and more in relationships. It’s the norm to meet someone, know them for a minute, get married and have a family. I scroll through my timeline on social media and notice that more and more people are getting married or having babies. Hey….there is nothing wrong with that, but ask yourself this question…… are you seeking  a relationship or are you presently in relationship because you WANT too or because you feel that you NEED too? Let me tell you this, there is a MAJOR difference. I remember having this conversation with one of my close friends about relationships. Ive always struggled with relationships and I have also shared that I have the tendency to attract toxic men in my life. How many women can relate? Can I get an Amen!! Anyways, we were on the topic of relationships and I had shared about this man that I was dating and felt that I was settling for things that I normally would not settle for. He pointed out to me that I needed to have a relationship with someone because if I wanted a relationship, then my standards would not change to accommodate the relationship, the relationship would accommodate my standards. Let that sink in, I’ll give you a minute. Actually, let me repeat that in case you forgot what I just said. If I wanted a relationship, then my standards would not change to accommodate the relationship, the relationship would accommodate my standards. I was willing to CHANGE my standards; just so that I could be in a relationship with this man, by tolerating things that was out of my character. 

See the thing is, when you want a relationship, you are not willing to accept any and everything because a relationship is something that will compliment your life. Nevertheless, when we settle, we are saying to ourselves that it is okay to ignore our needs and wants, because we feel like someone will fill a void in our lives that we cant fill ourselves. You find yourself in a situation that you never thought you would be in. You date someone who only subtracts from your life and then you wonder why your progress has made a left turn and reversed! In the beginning it may appear that he is the one and the man of your dreams who finally came to rescue you, like the prince from all the fairy tails you read as a little girl. Although things are going well right now, there are signs that warn you, but you choose to ignore it because “ no one is perfect right?”. 

Don’t you wish that there was a warning sign attached to toxic men that stated “WARNING AVOID ME…I WILL MESS YOUR LIFE UP”. Maybe I will create an app for that…Anyways…let’s get back to the topic. As I was saying….you must ask yourself….. Am I looking for Mr. Right or Mr Right Now? Do not be in a rush to rush into something. Sometimes we judge the perfect relationship based on what we see on social media and I can tell you that social media can be very deceptive. The reality of it is, relationships are handwork and you have to be willing to make compromises. Take your time by learning about yourself and what you like. What interests you? What are you willing and not willing to accept in a relationship? When you know who you are and what you want, you will recognize your value and will not allow another human being to de-value you. Take your time in getting to know someone and don’t rush based on temporary feelings because we all go through the honeymoon phase and ask yourself the question….Do I WANT a relationship or do I NEED a relationship?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Healthy Versus Unhealthy Relationships

                                Love Makes Me Accept Crazy Things                         I have to give some back story on how this topic for my blog even came about. As I was sitting down messaging my clients, I had Jerry Springer broadcasting in the background. Normally, I don’t watch this, (I am serious); but for some reason ended up on this episode. Anyways, as I began watching this, the topic was regarding a man who was confessing to his girlfriend his faithfulness and how he would never cheat on her. She gave him an ultimatum that if he wanted to continue the relationship, then he would need to drop his female friends. Needless to say, he was cheating and this resulted in a full on fist-fight with other woman who he was having an affair with. Jerry asked him, do you love this woman? He stated “yes”, she ...
Post a Comment
Read more

What Is Love Addiction ?

Love addiction in the psychology jargon is termed " a process" addiction. Like an addiction to drugs or alcohol there are certain criterias that must be met in order for it to be considered an addiction. If we look at the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorder, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) it breaks it down into 11 categories which atleast 2-3 criterias should meet the criteria in order for it to be classificated as a substance addiction.  The ones that I would like to highlight are tolerance ( needing more and more of the substance to achieve a desired effect) and withdrawal ( physical symptoms one experiences as a result of dependency on the substance). This relates to the love addiction in that you develop a tolerance, where you need more and more of your point of contact to feel better. Also, you experience physical withdrawal symptoms when you are no longer around that point of contact. I believe it is important to note that despite how this problem may int...
2 comments
Read more

Reactivating The Pain

I do believe that sometimes people trigger old behaviors that we are trying to change about ourselves. Sometimes you may find yourself working towards recovery by changing old patterns, beliefs and behaviors; however, unfortunately someone new comes into your life and you find yourself repeating these same old behaviors that you have been working hard to change. Thats is the powerful effect of this addiction, if you are not aware of your triggers or high risk situations, you find yourself falling back into the unhealthy lifestyle and becoming readjusted to the chaos again. Sarah’s problem stemmed from abandonment and dysfunctional family relationships. She was uncomfortable being alone or loving herself and she sought validation through other men. Her past history included entertaining multiple men at once so that their would never be a gap in between someone providing this validation that she needed. It is funny, because she used to say to herself and joke with her friends th...
Post a Comment
Read more