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Reactivating The Pain




I do believe that sometimes people trigger old behaviors that we are trying to change about ourselves. Sometimes you may find yourself working towards recovery by changing old patterns, beliefs and behaviors; however, unfortunately someone new comes into your life and you find yourself repeating these same old behaviors that you have been working hard to change. Thats is the powerful effect of this addiction, if you are not aware of your triggers or high risk situations, you find yourself falling back into the unhealthy lifestyle and becoming readjusted to the chaos again. Sarah’s problem stemmed from abandonment and dysfunctional family relationships. She was uncomfortable being alone or loving herself and she sought validation through other men. Her past history included entertaining multiple men at once so that their would never be a gap in between someone providing this validation that she needed. It is funny, because she used to say to herself and joke with her friends that she had a different man for each day of the week. As silly as it sounds, this was her lifestyle. When one man was unavailable, she would seek validation from the next one to avoid the loneliness that she experienced when she was by herself. Nevertheless, she began to learn more about herself and recognize that this behavior was unhealthy, so she began changing. 

The thing about addiction that they all have in common, is that the person believes that they can “control it” so that they remain in the denial stage. They say to themselves “ well I don't really have a problem, let me prove it”. So they start to make little changes; they are no longer talking to multiple men, just one. In reality, they are not addressing the real problem, they just continue to avoid it. Back to reactivating old patterns, Sarah mets someone new that she likes and begins spending time with him. Next, another guy is introduced in the picture and she finds herself resorting back to old behaviors where she is now entertaining two men. It does not end there, she has no control, she finds herself succumbing to old behaviors and now starts to entertain more men and struggles with setting boundaries. 


Triggers can be anything that reminds you of the addiction. Certain people, places or things. For some people, dating a particular type of man may trigger her to repeat past behaviors, seeing her friends in relationship may trigger her loneliness to where she enters into a relationship because she does not want to be alone. Its important to recognize ones trigger because this can be detrimental to ones recovery. 

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