Love Junkie

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Are You Looking For Mr Right or Mr Right Now?

I’ve been meaning to write about this topic for a while and decided that it was now or never. Is it me or do you notice that people are settling more and more in relationships. It’s the norm to meet someone, know them for a minute, get married and have a family. I scroll through my timeline on social media and notice that more and more people are getting married or having babies. Hey….there is nothing wrong with that, but ask yourself this question…… are you seeking a relationship or are you presently in relationship because you WANT too or because you feel that you NEED too? Let me tell you this, there is a MAJOR difference. I remember having this conversation with one of my close friends about relationships. Ive always struggled with relationships and I have also shared that I have the tendency to attract toxic men in my life. How many women can relate? Can I get an Amen!! Anyways, we were on the topic of relationships and I had shared about this man that I was dating and

Are Unhealthy Relationships The Norm?

I was sitting in the office of my colleague and we started talking about relationships. She is an older lady and has been in the field for over 20+ years, so I always love to get her feedback and wisdom. While I was talking to her, it dawned on me that many people learned how to have an UN-healthy relationship; never really learned what a healthy relationship consisted of. When you look back at some of the relationships you’ve had, do you ever ask yourself what was I thinking? How did I ever tolerate or accept something like this? Its funny how when we remove ourself from a toxic or unhealthy relationship and have time ( Sometimes you have nothing but time after a relationship ends) to reflect on it, we find that what we had was never deserving of our energy or our time. See, the problem with having a pattern of unhealthy relationships, is we have nothing to judge what a healthy relationship is. In other words we have nothing to compare it too, because we have never seen or known on

Being The Other Woman....

Many women want a man who will love and respect them, but they do not love or respect themselves. Growing up, I used to hear older people say " treat people the way you would want to be treated”. Unfortunately, I think a lot of women treat men better than they treatment themselves in the name of love. I've always struggled with loving and valuing myself, especially when it came to relationship with men. I remember as a teenager, fantasizing, how i wanted my boyfriends to treat me. I wanted to be treated like a princess and if they treated me anything less than, out the door the would go. When i reflect back on this, i cant help but laugh because Ive dated men who I tolerated so many things from and that was no way to treat a princess if you ask me. Always, I realized how much i lacked self -love when I was in college. I always struggled with my self-esteem, but when i truly realized how much i didn't love myself was when I started dating this one guy. He was my typ

When The Pain Becomes Addicting

One thing about the love addict is that pain is all too familiar and comfortable. Do you ever ask yourself why do you continue to attract the same type of emotionally unavailable men? Maybe its because this is what you know as “normal”. I had mentioned before, that when you grow up in an environment where dysfunction is normalized, this tends to become your “normal”. Nevertheless, you may find yourself ending one relationship, just to enter into another relationship with a different person, but the same type of emotionally unavailable man. I came to this realization that our definition of a “normal healthy relationship “ is so skewed. What exactly is a normal healthy relationship. My father has never been in my life and my step father was physically and emotionally abusive. I learned that my “normal “ was tolerance. Learning to tolerate behaviors that were not normal, because if he was not hitting me then it was “ healthy in my eyes”. I learned to become comfortable in pain. I u

Protect Your Heart Queen

( Picture is take from IG:@peniel_enchill) I was always afraid of love. The way that I loved was always painful. Love to me was making sacrifices... sacrifices that meant compromising parts of me to make my partner happy. I became so unhappy because I no longer knew who I was. I was whomever he needed or wanted me to be. I became an expert on camouflaging. For many women who have to start over, this seems almost impossible; because they may feel as though they no longer have an identity. He was their "identity". I never knew how to set healthy boundaries. All I knew was how to tolerate pain. Eventually pain becomes so comfortable that if you don't experience it, apart of you feels like you are not living. In reality, I was dying internally. How many times have you sacrifice parts of you in the name of love, to the point where it hurts. You feel like the only way that you could ever feel alive again...is by the same person who created the pain in the first

When Was The Last Time You Married That Man In Your Mind?

Have you ever been obsessed with someone? I mean obsessed to the point where you cant stop thinking about them. From the moment you wake up, to the moment you go to bed. They occupied your mind. It may even feel like you have no control; you try to distract yourself, however you find your mind returning back to your point of contact. You obsess about what this person is doing, fantasize about what you would like this person to be doing or what your plans for the future may entail. Let me tell you how fantasy can be very toxic for the love addict. My mom used to make this joke to me that “ I marry everyone I date”, meaning that by the time we get together, I've already picked out the wedding dress, the venue, where we are going to live and what our children will look like. The thing about obsessing and fantasizing about someone, is that often you create an image of this person that does not exist and you live this image in your head. When the person does not live up to th